My "Suffering Testimony"

Note to Friends and Family: This post contains a recent and extremely personal example of how God redeemed a painful experience in the life of my family.  If you are a member of my family or a close friend who experienced this along with me, I suggest you proceed with caution depending on where you are in the healing process.

         I recently completed a course on church ministry during my studies at Liberty University and as a part of the course we read “Ministry Is . . .: How to Serve Jesus with Passion and Confidence” by Dave Earley and Ben Gutierrez (B&H Publishing Group, 2010).  In Chapter 21, “Turning you Hurts into Helps”, Dave Earley suggests that the reader should write up some of their painful experiences into a “Suffering Testimony.”  This process is designed to help turn these painful experiences into opportunities to minister to others.  Below is my suffering testimony in the format suggested by Earley:

My life seemed normal until I received a call from my mother-in-law, who was at the hospital with my five month pregnant wife. 

         It was a Saturday morning in September and I was at work.  At the time I was a narcotics detective with the Sheriff’s Office and was in the middle of serving a search warrant a drug house in our town.  I had left very early in the morning, or very late at night, and while I was searching the house I received a phone call from my wife, Jessica, who was around five months pregnant.  She told me that she was experiencing some severe abdominal pain, which was not altogether alarming because she also suffers from a chronic intestinal disorder that sometimes causes severe pain.  When she told me that she was going to get her mother to drive her to the ER I knew that something was amiss, but did not recognize the situation for what it was.  I told her to call when she found out what was going on and that I would meet her at the hospital when I had completed my work.

          After finishing up at the house I caught a ride with another officer back to where my car was parked.  On the way my mother-in-law called and sobbingly told me that I needed to come immediately to the hospital.  She wasn’t able to tell me what was wrong, and I don’t think that I even asked.  I knew that something was seriously wrong.  I prayed the whole way to my car and then to the hospital.  My mind raced with all the possibilities, both good and bad.

          Upon arriving at the hospital I found Jessica and by her countenance knew immediately that something was seriously wrong.  I asked her what was going on and she replied with words that still ring in my ears and elicit a violently emotional response as I recall them, “Our baby died.”  I held her a tightly as I could and wept with her for some time.  I don’t know if wept is a strong enough word to use, but a better word escapes me.  After that the rest of the day was filled with doctors, nurses, and concerned friends and family.

I discovered hope and help in Jesus when I was at the end of my ability to cope and was not able to go on.

          Jessica and I left the hospital several days later and returned home.  When I returned home I had to go through a process that I hope to never experience again, arranging my child’s funeral.  Because of my involvement in ministry I was familiar with some of the more pragmatic issues involved in planning a funeral service and handled those first.  I must say that I was surprised to see so many who I didn’t know cared deeply for Jessica and I reach out to help us.  I am forever grateful to those who assisted us during that time.

          With the funeral service arranged, music selected, and preacher lined up all of the practical issues had been resolved.  I suddenly realized that there was nothing else to be busy with and that I must face the reality that my son had died.  I had been so busy taking care of Jessica in the hospital, making arrangements, receiving guests, and the like that it really hadn’t hit me yet.  The weight of the whole situation came down on me and I felt as if I couldn’t move.  I had been praying that God would see us through everything and knew that he would, but I admit that I often wondered if my faith was strong enough to some through.  This experience was especially potent on the day of the funeral.

          Jessica and I woke up that morning and started to prepare for the day.  I don’t remember much about that morning, except one event that occurred as we were getting ready to leave for the church.  I told Jessica that it was time to go and she began to weep, I embraced her and I too be began to weep, or sob, or lament, or something.  Those words all do not seem to capture what was occurring.  It was there, at the side of our bed as we were leaving to go to the church for our son’s funeral, that I reached the end of myself.  There was no strength, mental or physical in my body.  I had no energy, no desire to go on.  I physically could not get up, or think, or speak.  It was there that I did the only thing that I knew to do, I cried out to Jesus.  I didn’t ask for strength or wisdom.  I didn’t ask for understanding of peace.  All I could muster was a simple prayer, “Jesus, help us.”

          The instant I spoke those words a miracle happened.  There was no flash of light or angel with a message.  Everything was not all better and I did not have an immediate peace with what was going on, but I had just enough strength to continue.  In that moment I experienced what the psalmist spoke of in Psalm 46:1.  God was my refuge and very present help in trouble. 

I am glad that I have a personal relationship with Jesus today because I have experienced what the psalmist wrote about those who call on the Lord in their day of trouble (Psalm 50:15).

         There are two ways to know something, academically and experientially.  To know something academically is to have “head knowledge,” to know fact and principles pertaining to a specific subject.  To know something by experience is to have “heart knowledge,” to know something because you have seen it.  The New Testament uses the Greek word ginōskō to describe this kind of knowing.  It is an intimate understanding of a subject that comes through experience.  The word ginōskō is the same word that the Septuagint uses to describe the intimate relationship between a man and wife that brings forth a child.  Coming into the experience I had “head knowledge” about how God relates to people going through these types of problems, but I now have ginōskō knowledge about God’s provision in trouble.

         We often relate what the prophet Joel wrote in Joel 2:32 to the crying out of the sinner as they accept Christ as Lord and Savior.  But the truth is that it applies just as much to Christians as to non-Christians.  The Gospel is just as much the center of Christian’s life and it is the turning point of the sinner’s.  Just as we begin our Christian walk by the spirit we are to continue to be made complete by the spirit, not by our own power (Galatians 3:3).

The Way, the Truth, and the Life

          One can argue that the most significant claim that Christ made regarding His divinity was not divinity itself, but divine exclusivity.  That is to say that there are no other gods but the God of the Bible, the God who reviled His name to Moses as “I AM WHO I AM” and instructed Moses to tell the people of Israel that “I AM” had sent him to them (Exodus 3:14); and that the only way to have a relationship with the only true God is through the man Jesus Christ.  Jesus highlighted this truth when He said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life,” in John 14:6.  This statement was made in response to a question from one of the disciples, Thomas, during a conversation that took place as Jesus and the disciples shared a meal and talked in the last several days before His crucifixion, this conversation has come to be known as the Upper Room Discourse.[1] 

            This discourse took place in the time leading up to Jesus’ crucifixion, near the end of Jesus’ earthly ministry.  Jesus had spent the past three years teaching and walking with the disciples and now He was having an intimate conversation over a shared meal with these twelve men whom He had poured His life into.  It is significant in itself that the conversation took place over a shared meal or banquet.  In the first century a banquet was an elaborate meal which was prominent in sealing friendships, celebrating victories, and for other joyous occasions.[2]  While this banquet was no doubt linked to the observance of the Passover, it also was a time for Jesus and the disciples to seal their friendship and celebrate the coming victory over sin and death, whether the disciples recognized it or not.

The conversation in which Thomas asked his question of the Lord was immediately proceeded by Jesus’ washing of the disciples feet.  This event, Jesus’ washing of the disciples feet, is important in its own right.  The work of footwashing was regarded as so lowly a task that it could not be required of a Hebrew slave.[3]  Yet here we have the Son of God washing the feet of His students.  Through this act Jesus teaches that if one wants to lead, he must first serve.  No doubt this was an important lesson for the disciples to understand before they could truly understand the significance of Jesus’ greatest act of service, His atoning sacrifice on the cross. 

            It is in the context of the discussion of these coming events that we find Thomas asking his question.  In the upper room on the eve of the crucifixion, Jesus spoke of His imminent departure, finishing with “and where I am going you know the way” (John 14:4).[4]  Jesus’ statement that the disciples knew the way triggered a question in the mind of Thomas.  Even though the Lord had assured the disciples that they knew the way Thomas responded, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” (John14:5).  Thomas’ question elicited an interesting response from the Lord.  Jesus did not rebuke Thomas for his doubt, but patiently explained the truth; that Thomas indeed knew the way, because he knew Jesus.  Jesus responded that a life given in belief and faith in Him would pave the way to eternal fellowship with Him.[5]  One must not miss the significance of the statement that Jesus is the way.  Jesus did not come to earth wrapped in baby’s flesh to show us a new or better way to the Father.  He came, as God incarnate, to be the way.  It is the difference between trying to find your way to a particular destination by the use of a map provided by someone who knows the way and taking them along for the ride.  Jesus, as the way to the Father, is the ever-present help (Psalm 46:1) in one’s spiritual journey back to the Heavenly Father.

            It is also important to understand that Jesus is not a way or a truth or a life, but the one and only way, truth, and life.  It is here that Jesus teaches the doctrine that has put Christianity at odds with culture for two-thousand years; the fact that the only way to the Father is through Jesus.  Jesus was the perfect revelation of the means for reconciliation with God, because He was God incarnate.  Jesus Christ, the eternal Son of God, the Second Person of the Holy Trinity, without ceasing to be what He is, God the Son, took into union with Himself what He before did not possess, a human nature.[6] 

In addition to being the way to God Jesus also claimed to be “the truth” (John 16:6).  Being fully God and fully man Jesus was not only able to say that He knew and spoke the truth, but that He was the truth.  This claim reminds us first of all of Jesus’ utter reliability.[7]  Jesus was not only conveying the true teaching of God, but was God and His truth lived out in human flesh.  Many religions are led by people who claim to possess the teachings of a Supreme Being or creator, but Jesus was the Supreme Being.  Because of this unique relationship with God the Father, God the Son also possesses the same attributes, specifically God’s veracity, or truthfulness.  God’s truthfulness means that he is the true God, and that all His knowledge and words are both true and the final standard of truth.[8]  In other words, not only is all that Jesus said true, but He is the ultimate measure of what truth is.  Everything that is not in line with Jesus is not true.

The last claim that Jesus made in this profound statement is that He is “the life”.  Here Jesus is closely associating life very closely with Himself.[9]  Jesus is not saying that He can give life, but that He is the source of life (John 1:3).  This is in contrast to all of the legalistic rules that permeated Jewish culture in Jesus’ time, which brought death (2 Corinthians 3:6).   A person has access to the God’s gift of a fulfilling and abundant life through a real and personal relationship with Jesus (John 10:10).

After making the statement, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life), Jesus goes on to say, “No one comes to the Father except through me.”  This thought better illustrates the fact that Jesus is not only a way, but the only way to the Father and builds the case for the exclusivity of Christianity.  This was a bold statement for a first century Jew, there is no mention of Abraham or Moses, who were the agents of the precious dispensations.  Here Jesus teaches that one cannot come to the Father based on their righteousness through works nor on their family line, but can only come through Him.

It is interesting to note that after Jesus taught on the fundamental element of Christian doctrine, one’s relationship with the God the Father thorough and only through God the Son, he build on this foundation as we see the conversation turn to matters of the doctrine of the Holy Trinity in verses 8 through 21.  The mystery of the Trinity is one of the most difficult of all doctrines to understand.[10]  Here we find Jesus teaching on His relationship with God the Father and God the Holy Spirit.  Jesus reminds the disciples that He is the perfect revelation of God the Father and that He carries out the Fathers work.  Jesus also go on to explain His work in the sending of God the Spirit to guide those who have trusted in Him as the way, the truth, and the life; those who have come to the Father through Him. 

Jesus used this intimate setting, a private banquet with His closest followers, to solidify the teachings that He had been instilling in them all along; the fact that in Him was the only way for mankind to be reconciled to God the Father.  Since a right relationship with God is the heart of all religion, reconciliation that makes access, welcome, and fellowship possible for all may be held as the central concept of Christianity.[11]  Jesus also explained how a relationship with Him would lead to an understanding of the Father and the receiving of the Holy Spirit.  In this one statement, “I am the way, the truth, and the life”, Jesus identifies Himself with Jehovah of the Old Testament and underscores the point that He is the only Savior.

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[1] Elmer Towns, The Gospel of John: Believe and Live (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2002), 139.

[2] Chad Owen Brand, Charles W. Draper, and Archie W. England, “Banquet” in Holman Illustrated Bible Dictionary (Nashville, TN: Holman Bible Publishers, 2003), 166.

[3] Brand, Draper, and England, “Footwashing”, Holman Illustrated Bible Dictionary, 592.

[4] Leon Morris, Jesus Is the Christ: Studies in the Theology of John (Grand Rapids, Mich: W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1989), 118.

[5] David S. Dockery, Holman Bible Handbook (Nashville, Tenn: Holman Bible Publishers, 1992), 624.

[6] R. L. Reymond, “Incarnation,” in Evangelical Dictionary of Theology (Baker Reference Library) 2nd ed., ed. Walter Elwell (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Academic, 2001), 601.

[7] Morris, Jesus Is the Christ: Studies in the Theology of John, 119.

[8] Wayne A. Grudem, Systematic Theology: An Introduction to Biblical Doctrine (Leicester, England: Inter-Varsity Press, 1994), 195.

[9] Morris, Jesus Is the Christ: Studies in the Theology of John, 119.

[10] Towns, The Gospel of John: Believe and Live, 142.

[11] R. E. O. White, “Reconciliation,” in Evangelical Dictionary of Theology (Baker Reference Library) 2nd ed., ed. Walter Elwell (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Academic, 2001), 992.